Have you ever been somewhere where you felt out of place? Maybe in a group setting where it seems like everyone has paired off in groups chatting, connecting, having fun, but you feel left out, maybe even unwanted?

I don’t know about you, but I have. As a matter of fact, when I was younger, I felt like that most of the time. I was a shy, introverted, gangly teenager. I got tongue-tied around strangers and rarely initiated conversation. I preferred solitude and books.

So, what changed?

First, I owe the nudge to actually come out of my shell to my employer of 28 years. I went from office worker, to payroll clerk, to office manager, to purchasing manager where I was forced to talk to salesmen (Strangers. Eeek!!) on the phone and in person constantly. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

My newfound confidence spilled over into my writing life as well.

I started focusing on others instead of myself. At least once or twice at ACFW conference meals I look for a table where I know no one. I started this practice at the RWA conventions years ago. Instead of stressing that I couldn’t find any of my friends among 2000 writers, I found new friends. Okay, at ACFW, it’s getting harder and harder for me to meet a stranger. Just sayin’

In large group settings where people are milling about, I don’t hug the wall, avoiding eye-contact with other people who are avoiding eye-contact with me. I make it a point to mingle. I smile, catch the eye of those standing or sitting alone. I try not to be pushy: if they’re waiting for someone and their friend shows up, I move on, looking for another vict…uh…lonely-looking person.

I’ve been rescuing wallflower writers for close to fifteen years. But, really, if truth be told, who’s rescuing who?